To cut or not to cut?

...that is the question! In case the photo doesn't make it obvious, I'm talking about Daph's hair. She's got quite crazy hair really - nothing like it was when she was born (when it was almost black and thick at the back with none on the top). Now, she has loads on the top, a kind of long side fringe going on, and just a few wispy curls at the back. It's so cute but the long bit gets in her eyes all the time. Which is why she usually has a hairclip in. The hairclips work quite well until she realises they are there and then gets pissed off and tries to yank them out, usually taking some hair with them and making herself cry in the process.

I really have no idea about cutting a baby's hair - what do most people do? I sort of imagined that I'd never cut it, actually, as it feels a bit sacriligeous. I imagined I'd just leave it to grow until she was about five, then I'd take her in for a bit of a trim and a tidy up. But as it's so uneven and so curly, I think it might be good to tidy it up a bit (not least so she can see where she's going when she's crawling), but how?!

I asked my hairdresser yesterday (finally got around to having my own hair cut after, gulp, eight months) and she told me to do it when she was in the bath, and just comb it upwards and take a bit off the end. But I'm not sure I can bring myself to do it. Am I the only one who feels stupidly sentimental about cutting her hair? I struggle enough with her damn fingernails, and curly strawberry blonde baby hair is SO much nicer than fingernails. Sniff. Would love to know what others have done - have you kept a lock of your baby's first hair in a locket around your neck?! Or did you just cut it without thinking twice (ie am I being stupidly sentimental about nothing - very possible!?)?

In other Daph news she is finally talking! Lots of attempts at words that are suddenly becoming recognisable - eg 'baby' for a person (whether they're a baby or not), tea for anything in a mug, Daddy for, er, her daddy, Dee Dee for the woman on the front of the Hush catalogue, who she seems to be obsessed with (perhaps she wishes she was her mother...) and just 'Dee' for the cat. She's also trying to copy everything we say, so if I say 'book' she'll say something like 'buk' and it's so cute. I can't wait till she can communicate properly with us!

PS hello to anyone who found me because a random baby sleep site posted a link to my rant about the Sleepyhead! I've had my entire month's usual hits in the last four hours, which is somewhat terrifying, as I thought I knew most of my readers personally. Anyway, sorry if you loved the Sleepyhead, didn't mean to offend anyone or criticise their parenting choices, it's just something I wish we had never bothered with! I'm always happy to hear that other mums lives have been made easier :)

End-of-week Musings: the UK cat killer

Apologies! This post is late - again. I've had food poisoning/norovirus (no idea how you tell the difference) over the past few days and have been in an absolute state. On the mend now finally, thanks to lots of rest and dioralyte.

This week I wanted to do a quick post about the UK cat killer. A bit random, I know, but actually it's something I've been following lately and it's really upset me. For those not in the know, there's a horrible sick git out there taking great pleasure in killing (often decapitating) cats late at night, and leaving them for their owners to find. There's been more than 100 confirmed murders now, most of which have taken place around the M25. But the police are still no closer to catching the person responsible.

I wanted to write about this because since we moved house, we've wondered what to do about Percy and his access to the garden. We have a cat flap in our living room, but as our downstairs is completely open plan this means he can come and go as he pleases, leaving a trail of muddy footprints across our carpet/rug/sofa/dining table/everything (he loves the new garden, and he especially loves digging in the mud). So when we go to bed, we've taken to shutting him in the downstairs loo (should add, it's quite a big loo!), with his bed, litter tray and food etc. It feels quite mean to have him confined to a relatively small area all night, and we were considering getting a cat flap fitted on the loo window too so he could get outside that way, but we've decided not to do that until this terrible person has been caught. It's just not worth the risk.

So yes, that's what I wanted to say really. Just in case you hadn't heard about it and have a cat that you love and want to keep safe! Please spread the word. The official advice from the people investigating this killer is to keep your cats indoors at night - most of the killings have taken place over night. If you want to read more about it, there's an animal rescue organisation in South Norwood (the killings started in Croydon) who have all the information you could need, and there's lots of stuff in the press too. This is a good article.

What I miss about living in London (and what I don't)

I'm going to be honest with you, having to blog is quite painful right now. Mostly because I am currently trying to write 10,000 words per week of my novel, which means five evenings a week I'm doing 2000 words. I'm having Wednesdays off as that's when I go to do my session at the Faber Academy. Sunday is my Day of Rest (the only day that Oli doesn't work, and so the only day we get to spend as a family). So having to open the laptop again today is a little bit depressing, but I don't want to stop blogging because I do so love the sound of my own voice. And I'm sure you lot do too (heh heh).

(On a sidenote, trying to write 10,000 words a week, last thing at night after the baby has been bathed and put to bed, and I've cooked my own dinner, is quite challenging (read: exhausting). I am slightly regretting my over-enthusiastic target. However, I know that if I don't stick to it I won't finish my first draft by the time Oli finishes his show. So, onwards till my fingertips fall off and my brain is completely fried, etc etc).

But that's not what this post is meant to be about. We've been living in the new house for a good three months now, and I wanted to share my thoughts on the things that I miss about living in the Big Smoke (does anyone call it that these days?). So here goes, as always, being completely honest...

1. The shops. This makes me inordinately shallow, I am aware. But I miss living near good shops. We were about a 20 minute walk into Wimbledon town centre from my old flat and it really had most of the things you needed, thanks to the wonder that is Elys department store. There was also a massive M&S right next to my flat, full of lovely baby clothes (plus ready-meals for lazy days), as well as a Mothercare and a Dunelm Mill (yes I lived by a retail park, yes it was ugly, yes it was bloody useful). Where we are now has a decent enough town centre (big Sainsbury's) but it's all very chainy and depressing - Next and Monsoon and places like that that I'd never go in (retail snob). It also has a teeny Debenhams. Debenhams is the shittest department store of all department stores. I'm sorry, but it is. Who actually buys Debenhams clothes? Someone must do, but I am still bewildered by why they would.
2. The transport options. The tube is disgusting and overcrowded and filthy, but my god, is it convenient and easy. I was about five minutes from the tube in my old flat, and I also had buses galore outside my doorstep (this also had its downsides obviously) and could get to Oxford Circus in 20 minutes. As well as this, I could walk to Wimbledon and get on a different tube line AND the overground, so transport options were plentiful. I can't overestimate how important this is if you're travelling into town on a regular basis. It just makes life SO much more pleasant when public transport goes tits up, as it invariably does.
3. Deliveroo. Deliveroo deliverdon't round here. (I am a little less upset about this after reading that they are shit to their staff.)
4. Indie restaurants. We have Pizza Express, GBK, Wagas, Carluccio's - all perfectly serviceable for a quick lunch. But there's nothing that special on our doorstep - nothing unique, no interesting new cuisines to try. There IS however an awesome chippy, which we have been to about 97 times since moving in.
5. Public services. No, not dodgy loos or telephone boxes. But things like the doctors and dentists. For all its faults, London seems to be pretty well catered for when it comes to your health. I could walk to both my doctors and my NHS dentist from my flat, and both were excellent. Since moving here I've been looking into finding a new GP for us all and most of them aren't taking new patients - as for NHS dentists, it'd be easier to find a Labour voter. Surrey people seem to like paying for the dentist. I don't understand why.  I am so cross about this, in fact, that I've decided to carry on going to my old dentist for now. If this is immoral or illegal, then please tell me off in the comments (not sure I'll care however).
6. Uber. I suspect Uber does operate round here (just about) but the price of a cab home from central London would be about the same as our weekly shop, rather than the £15 or so it used to be.
7. Oyster cards. I should have put this one up there with trains really. But in order to get into town now I have to buy a paper ticket! It's so quaint! It's also very confusing, what with off-peak this and super off-peak that and restrictions on what time you can sneeze at London Waterloo... We're just outside zone 6 out here, so we also have to shell out more than £20 for a one-day travelcard. Ouch.
8. Last but very not least - my friends. I miss my London pals. Most of my friends are still London pals (although hurrah for school friends who live near where we've moved to!). A few London mates have moved out, like us, but many of them are still in town and lots of them are in SE London, which is a proper trek from me now. Sniff.

BUT do I regret it, despite all this? Absolutely NOT. Here are just some of the things I love about living out of London...

1. The space. This counts for about five points up there I think. We have space! We have a big garden. We have a front garden. We have a garage. We have off-street parking. It is so lovely not to feel hemmed in on all sides by people and buildings and traffic. It's the most freeing, stress-releasing thing ever. Big thumbs up.
2. The air quality. It is awesome. I walk home from the station and maybe one car goes past, and I realise that I can't smell drains or fried chicken or diesel fumes. OK, so it's not quite the Scottish highlands, but I really think it's made a difference to the way I feel.
3. The people. There are less of them which just makes everything more peaceful, and hands down, people are politer. People in London are so busy, so stressed, so 'in the middle of something'. Here, people take time to smile at you, hold doors open, have little chats with Daph. It's so strange, in fact, that first of all I found it a bit unnerving. But whenever I take Daph to Sainsbury's we get stopped by the cashiers, or little old ladies who want to find out how old she is (and try to make her wave, which is embarrassing, because she usually blows them a raspberry instead). But it just feels so much friendlier as a community. This has surprised me a lot, because I always thought London had a great community feel, but I guess that was just pockets of people in amongst lots of transient people who were just there for work or whatever. So it never felt quite like this. The neighbours here are all very friendly and came round to say hello as soon as we moved in, but they are polite enough to keep their distance too.
4. The proximity to my folks. OK, this one is a bit niche, but it's lovely that I'm now only a 20 minute drive from my parents. It's made babysitting opportunities much more frequent (hurrah!) but also means we don't have to sit in terrible traffic every time we want to visit them.
5. And on that note, the traffic. It has its moments round here (school rush hours etc) but mostly it's A DREAM. Wimbledon is basically a 24 hour car park. I could easily spend 25 minutes driving a mile and a half. I wish I was exaggerating, but if you've ever sat going nowhere fast on Kingston Road you'll know I'm not.
6. The proximity to parks and stuff. And the countryside. And the motorways. All pretty self explanatory - because we don't have to negotiate London traffic to get anywhere, everything's a lot more accessible.
7. The quiet. You can hear a bloody pin drop outside our house. It's insane. And on that note, have I mentioned that cul de sacs are AMAZING? Everyone should live in a cul de sac. It puts your quality of life up by about a million percent. As well as your Amazon Prime expenditure (my 'safe place' = my front porch).
8. The hedgehogs. We have hedgehogs in our garden. NEED I SAY MORE.

So yes, that's my little round up. I'll probably think of a million things to add to this later but for now I'm off to have my dinner. Hope it's helpful if you're trying to make a decision to move out of London or not. I will say that without Daph as a priority, we probably would have stayed in Wimbledon, but I'm so glad we didn't because I really do prefer this way of life now. Call it old age, call it tired of London, tired of life, but I think there's something really important to be said for slowing down the pace a bit, taking time to appreciate peace and quiet. It's made a huge difference to my wellbeing.

14 month baby update

So, the picture above probably gives away the biggest development this month - namely that Daph is finally, finally (about ten years behind the baby books) pulling herself up to stand! She still mostly stands on her tiptoes, but puts her feet flat from time to time too so I think it's just a case of getting her muscles to relax and get used to this new position, and then she'll be fine. It's so exciting and cute to see her pulling herself up and bobbing about, all pleased with herself. She also occasionally lifts each foot in turn, as if she's trying to walk (although she can't, as obviously she's still hanging on to whatever it is that she used to pull herself up in the first place). It's hard to imagine her walking about as a little person of her own accord, and while it's exciting (because my god is she heavy now and carrying her everywhere gets very tiring) it's also a bit sad - five minutes ago she was my helpless prone 5lb newborn! Gah!

She's still not talking in much of a meaningful sense, although she does very often say 'tea' when I pour water into my mug of tea, or when she sees me taking a sip from a cup, so I've decided that's her official first word. Ha. She's also been babbling 'mama' for the first time ever (it was only really dadadada before) and also 'nana' in the past week. She has a tendency to say 'dere' when she's pointing at something or reaching for it, which sounds very much like 'there', so I wonder if that counts! Any speech therapists out there? The doctor said we need to take her for a referral if she's not using words with meaning soon, but I'm reluctant to now, as I can see her progressing in her own way, and I have faith that she will get there eventually. Anyway, we'll see how she is next month and take it from there.

In other news, her understanding is coming on leaps and bounds. She can now do terrifying things like turn the telly on with the remote (I mean, seriously, and we hardly ever watch TV!) and also she knows to press the main button on my iPhone and wait for the screen to light up to swipe it. Also quite terrifying, really - these were not the skills I was hoping to foster in my tiny baby. She's still very good at fetching things you ask her for, or finding them in her toy basket, and she now also puts things back if you ask her to (eg, she has a habit of pulling things off our coffee table, but if you ask her she'll then pick them up and put them back on it - so cute). She also feeds her doll with her bottle, and also tries to feed me during mealtimes by offering me a bit of chewed up soggy bread, or half-bitten piece of cucumber. That's true love that is.

She can point with her index finger now, and she also points things out in books if you ask her to 'find the cat' or whatever. In the last few days she's started waving, but not at anyone in particular (yesterday it was at the trees - bastards didn't wave back) and not on demand. Still no sign of clapping however - she's a tough crowd.

Sleep went to shit again quite soon after my gloating post about her finally sleeping through, and I realised it was all down to the damn Sleepyhead. She was going through a phase of practising sitting up while she was half asleep and then getting stuck in weird positions and bursting into tears, so... we decided to put the Sleepyhead back. It was tough to go backwards after feeling we'd finally weaned her off it but in all honesty, it just wasn't worth the lack of sleep. As soon as we put it back, she started sleeping through again, so we're stuck with it for the foreseeable alas. But the sleeping through has been so epic - most nights she does 6.30pm to 6.30am without a peep. It. Is. Brilliant.

Napwise, she's still doing two naps, one for about an hour from 9.30am and another for 45 minutes from 2.30pm. I wish she would nap for longer as really it's hardly enough time to do much apart from pick up the trail of destruction that she leaves behind, but at least she's still doing two naps and hasn't dropped down to one yet. I am kind of dreading her dropping to one main nap in the middle of the day because surely it means you can't go anywhere?! I have to say I do miss the days of multiple naps when she was younger... oh, and her being able to nap in the buggy which meant I could go shopping without having to bribe her not to whine with gingerbread biscuits.

This month she also had her MMR. I agonised over this for weeks, and in the end she had it a bit late. I *think* I'm pleased we had it done - I have read about how terrible measles can be in children - but I still found it incredibly stressful (in fact, I wimped out and made Oli take her while I was at work), and she did have the predictable side effects 10 days after the injections. She woke up screaming hysterically (cue a horrendous 3am googling session of 'encephalitic cry' - DO NOT do this), had a really bad tummy and was generally grumpy and whiny for three days. It was so sad to think that it was something I had *done* to her, but thankfully she seems to have recovered with no ill effects.

The only thing we did do is put off her Meningitis B vaccination - at my surgery they give babies all four at once (MMR, Hib/MenC, PCV and MenB), but as MenB is the one that gives them a fever, I thought it would be better to have this once the MMR was completely out of her system. The nurse was apparently quite grumpy about it but they agreed to let her have that in a fortnight's time, and then it's no more injections until she's three and a half, I think. Phew!

Two more developments this month: cuddling and... biting. The cuddling is lovely - she will now put her arms around me and give me a proper squeeze, but it's quite often followed up with the less-than-desirable sinking of her teeth into my neck. I am not sure what it's all about quite frankly - she's not cross when she does it, and it's not an anger thing. It's more that she's so excited she just wants to take a big chunk out of you. Very weird. And very bloody painful - I have lost my temper with her a few times when she's caught me off guard, which makes me feel terrible. Most of the time now I can tell when she's about to do it, and manage to distract her or hold her off, but my god it's annoying! I really hope it's a phase that doesn't last long, and if anyone has any tips for dealing with it (other than saying 'NO! NO BITING!' which seems to be what I say most of the time to her - poor thing!) then please ping me a comment here or on Facebook!

Midweek Musings: Crushed fingers and karma

Sooo, there was meant to be a really fascinating (!) blog post coming your way over the weekend but then on Saturday I decided to shut the car door on my hand. This happened just as I'd met up with a friend and her four-year-old for lunch, and yes of course I had the baby with me and of course it was my right hand and of course I was parked somewhere I shouldn't have been about half an hour from home. And of course it was a Saturday and Oli was at work until 10.30pm.  So that was quite fun. We made it to lunch in the end, and everyone in Pizza Express was very kind and no one said anything about the fact that one of my hands was wrapped in a muslin soaked in blood. Hope it didn't put anyone off their pizzas.

The upshot of this moment of clumsiness is that I am now unable to use my right-hand ring finger - I don't think it's broken as it's not wonky and I can bend it without it hurting too much, but my fingernail is clinging on somewhat precariously and underneath it is an interesting black-blue-red pattern, complete with dried blood that I'm too scared to pick off. Oh and it keeps oozing too. Lovely. So, I've been trying to type as little as possible, hence the lack of blog post this weekend. I have to say, it's amazing a) how painful just crushing even one finger is and b) how much you need your bloody fingers. OK, I know that sounds really obvious but even washing my hair in the shower has been a challenge. I also seem to constantly be knocking it on things and it feels as though someone is electrocuting it each time - unbelievable how many nerve endings are bundled up in your fingertip. Ouch ouch ouch.

Along with that joy, I have also caught a cold and given it to Daph. Just last week I was smugly telling Oli that I 'never get colds' (while he was sniffling away) and so I am now a walking, snotty example that karma does exist and karma will get you. Daph seems to be faring better than me, but she still has a little bit of a chesty cough which sounds so cute and heartbreaking all at the same time.

So yes, with that cheery update, I will bid you farewell till next week!

PS I am up to 22k words on the novel. Woo!

Midweek Musings: Writing and Dancing

Hello hello, sorry I haven't done a midweek catch up for a couple of weeks (and this one is a day late). Sometimes I get all cringey at myself and think, god Charlotte, midweek musings, what are you on about, who the F cares? But then I remember that, er, I care, and it's nice to have these little diary entries to look back on. Especially since I have the memory of an aged goldfish.

So, yes, it's been a busy old week or so. Oli opened with his show, The Last Tango. In case you haven't heard about it, or seen the posters on the tube, it's another dance show from the very lovely Flavia Cacace and Vincent Simone, and Oli sings all the songs for it. On stage. He had to learn 17 songs for this show, which made for an interesting (read: stressful) two weeks when he was in rehearsal... But it's opened now, and is going well, and he's had some fab reviews which always makes me all proud and glowy inside. I went along to the press do last week with my sister and it was full of folk from Strictly, who are all universally lovely, it seems. There were also a few slebs there, but I'm pretty shocking at having a clue who people are (I swear I could be stood next to Angelina Jolie in Boots* and have no idea who she was), so my sister had to fill me in. Unlike at the press night for Oli's last show, she didn't get drunk and offend Brendan Cole (long story). No gossip, everyone was very well behaved. And everyone I spoke to told me how proud I must be of Oli, and how fabulous his singing is, which is always cheering.

On the subject of dancing, someone else in our family has decided to try it (I say someone else, Oli can't dance for toffee, and neither can I). We noticed this week that little Daph has now started bopping her body about when she hears music - it is SO. BLOODY. CUTE. She can even keep time pretty well - it's sooo sweet and funny. Especially as she doesn't really smile while doing it, which makes it seem like some kind of strange involuntary reaction - CAN HEAR MUSIC, MUST MOVE BODY kind of thing. Babies are amazing.

In other news, I started my six-month Writing a Novel course at the Faber Academy last week and am enjoying it immensely. Aside from anything else, it's so lovely having something to get a bit dressed up for (this sounds wrong, afear ye not, I'm not turning up in stilettos and a ball gown - I just mean putting on something other than stained jeans and a t shirt) and it's fab to be using my brain again and talking to creative types. We're in groups of 15, and my group is a really eclectic mix of screenwriters, actors, lawyers, journalists, film producers and even an architect. The best thing about this course so far is that every exercise is focused on the novel you are meant to be writing, so everything is relevant - there's no pointless academia or tests or anything like that. I've been making quite good progress with my novel, and I'm up to 12,000 words now. I'm setting myself a target of 10,000 words a week, which is pretty ambitious, but I'm at home five nights a week alone while Oli is working on this show, so I figure I ought to be able to get 2000 words done each time. Obviously this is creating the very model of a shitty first draft, but that's OK. I want to get my first draft finished by Christmas, so I can edit it next term. Fingers crossed!

*an unlikely scenario, granted

One and done?

A couple of people I know who had babies around the same time as me have recently announced that they are expecting again. I have to say, when I found out, both times I was incredibly shocked. The idea of having another baby so soon (or what feels like so soon) after Daphne is terrifying. But as well as feeling shocked, I felt a little jealous. Perhaps it's something about being pregnant, that kind of special status you get, and the amazing load of feel-good hormones that come with newborns.

When Daphne was first born, within weeks I was thinking about having another baby. I actually said I definitely wanted another one - I loved her so much, and it was such an addictive feeling. I remember telling friends that I'd be happy to do it all again soon. Fast forward a year, and I have changed my mind so completely and utterly that it's kind of scary. Obviously I still love her so much - in fact, a lot more - but I am no longer under the influence of those new mother hormones and am instead ravaged and slightly beaten by a whole year of sleep deprivation.

There is nothing like sleep deprivation on that kind of scale really. Before Daphne was born I knew I was in for a few months of being pretty tired, but I had absolutely no idea what the reality would be like. And how unbelievably difficult it would be - definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my entire life. It affects everything - your relationship with your partner, your self-esteem, your health, your happiness... your weight! That's not to say that it isn't worth it, because of course it is, but it's still so awful that I can't imagine putting myself through it willingly again.

Of course, maybe I'd have a better sleeper the next time around. Maybe my next baby would be those so-called 'easy' babies that sleep through at nine weeks, breastfeed like a dream and have laid-back, sunny personalities. But what if they don't? What if they're even more difficult? What if my pregnancy is just as complicated or even more complicated than last time? I don't think I have the mental strength.

I've never been the kind of maternal person who planned on having 2.4 children etc etc.  Children were always a bit vague in my mind - a hazy idea that I hoped would happen at some point. So I don't have that over-riding feeling that our family isn't complete unless there's four of us. But by the same token, it's hard to say definitively that I don't want any more kids. The truth is, I really don't know.

None of this matters really - if you don't know the answer, live with the question etc. Both Oli and I are slightly old for first-time parents, but this isn't enough of a worry to make me think I have to get on with it, or make a decision right now. It's just something I've been thinking about, following my friends' news, and also because we've started packing up some of Daphne's baby bits - not just her clothes, but bigger things like the Perfect Prep machine, her nursing chair, the Jumperoo, her bouncy chair etc. And I'm not sure what to do with them. Sell them, or keep them just in case? They're in the garage at the moment.

I always thought having two children seemed like a sensible idea because then your little one always has someone else to play with, and I can't imagine life without my sister, but then someone reminded me that siblings don't always get on, and sometimes they fight just as much as they entertain each other. And of course, from a parenting point of view, two kids means twice as much attention, twice as little sleep, twice as much money... Is it perhaps better to focus all our efforts and energies on one, especially now that having an only child is becoming increasingly more 'normal'? Will it be better for Daphne to have our undivided attention? I love our little band of three, and I don't know if I can face being pregnant and having a newborn again. But then will it be sad for Daph in the future not to have a little companion, and what about when we've shuffled off our mortal coils? Who will love her as much as we do?

I'd love to hear what other mums think about this issue and how you've decided (or not) how many children is right for you... it's such a fascinating decision. If you fancy sharing your thoughts, please leave me a comment here or over on Facebook.

Why I wish I'd never heard of the Sleepyhead

*Hello everyone visiting from The Gentle Sleep Book FB page (there have been thousands of you!). Not sure why they chose to link to my blog post out of the blue, but I'd just like to say that the following is NOT meant to be an impartial review of the product, but just our personal experience of using it. This is a personal blog and I like to be honest about my experiences. But they are just MY experiences. I'm not saying this product doesn't help others, just that we didn't need it and we are finding it incredibly hard to wean our baby off it, hence the title. Phew!*

My mum had a point when she said there's a lot of baby 'stuff' available today that her generation coped perfectly well without. I remember moaning about her point of view in one of my pregnancy updates, but now, I'm starting to come around to it. There are plenty of things that I can't imagine doing without - my Perfect Prep machine, for example, has been a lifesaver - but then there are other things, such as the Bumbo seat, which, while useful at the time, definitely wasn't an essential. But my biggest regret, purchase wise, has to be the damn Sleepyhead.

The irony is that I think I wrote about this 'wonder product' in a post when Daph was tiny, calling it one of my most useful purchases. And I suppose it has been useful, but it's come at a price.

It was the lactation consultant we saw when Daph was about five days old who first told me about the Sleepyhead. She said every mum and dad she saw nowadays had 'one of those cushion things, so you can have the baby sleeping next to you during the day'. Of course, I went straight on Amazon after she'd left and bought us one (blame the new mum hormones - I was sucking up advice left right and centre like a very dry sponge). And it was useful in that we had it on the sofa with us a few times when Daph was napping. But if I'm honest, I think a MOSES BASKET would have done much the same job. And if I could turn back the clock now, I'd buy a moses basket for Daph when she was first born, which I would put in the Chicco Next 2 Me at night time. If my mum is reading this (hi Mum!) she'll be rubbing her hands and mouthing I told you so at the screen, no doubt.

But we live and learn. The problem with the Sleepyhead is that you pay a very heavy price for it. Not just in money (and it is stupidly expensive for what is essentially a fancy cushion). But in the future. It's all very well when you first tuck your little one in and feel pleased that they are all comfy and cosy in their cocoon. But then they get bigger. And bigger. And the Sleepyhead doesn't. So it starts to be too small for them. So then you try to get them to sleep without it, and all hell breaks loose.

It's OK though, because you can go back to John Lewis or Amazon and spend EVEN MORE money on a giant version of the Sleepyhead. What thoughtful folk they are! And of course, you get a spare cover for another £493, because you just know there will be puke incidents. Problem solved.

For now.

The next problem arises when you try to get your baby to nap somewhere else - in a travel cot at her grandparents' house for example, or on holiday - and you've neglected to bring the Sleepyhead. No chance sucker. Your baby is now totally used to turning about in her bed and bumping off the sides and without them, she feels lost, confused and uncomfortable. Which means she wakes up a lot. And cries.

It also becomes a pain when your baby learns to sit up and crawl, and thus decides to explore her cot in the night - turning upside down and crawling to the foot of the bed, but unable to settle because there's no Sleepyhead bumper at that end.

There's also the small matter of the weather - if it's warm, the Sleepyhead doesn't allow the air to circulate around your sleeping child, meaning one sweaty baby (and in our case, super curly hair in the morning - cute but still upsetting to see your baby drenched in sweat).

The covers are a pain to get on and off and wash, and so you try to cover them with a fitted sheet, but of course they don't fit properly, meaning the whole thing is a big bumpy mess.

The big Sleepyhead is allegedly suitable until they are three, but really, do you want a three-year-old that can't sleep in their bed without cushiony bumpers surrounding them?

The most annoying thing is that Daph was sleeping pretty well when she was first born WITHOUT the Sleepyhead. She was quite happy to be swaddled, and even though she looked tiny in the Next 2 Me, she seemed to settle just fine those first few days. I agree that it's probably worth a try if your baby seems very restless and resists being swaddled, but honestly, you DON'T need a Sleepyhead. You don't.

We've been suffering the effects of this ridiculous cushion over the past month or so as we've been weaning Daph off it. First of all, we took the bumper out of the cover and just put it loose in the cot (this is not recommended, please don't do this!) but then she managed to pull it over her face and woke up screaming and terrified. So then we went cold turkey, with muslins rolled up and tucked under her fitted sheet to try to provide a similar effect. That didn't work. So we just decided to go for it and take everything out completely. The cot looked so big and she looked so small. She wasn't used to all that space and ability to move about at night, and it's been a real struggle to try to get her to settle without it.

My other qualm about this 'must-have' is that it must, surely, stop them from rolling about as much as they might do normally. I know that Daph is behind developmentally in her gross motor skills anyway but I don't know how much of this was caused by her being effectively slotted into a space every night to sleep. With those bumpers surrounding her, she never had the opportunity to roll about in her cot, and she never had the opportunity to try sleeping on her side or front either (which she does now, finally, at 13 months). I'm sure plenty of babies use Sleepyheads and don't find it affects their development, but I'll never know with Daph if she would have advanced more quickly without it.

So yes. That's my tuppence worth. If you do decide to get one, I suggest not using it every night  - or maybe not using it for naps or something. Just so that your baby also gets used to being able to move about in her bed and doesn't think the only position for sleeping in is flat on their back, pinned in either side...

THE RIVAL, my novel about career and motherhood, is on sale now. You can find out more about THE RIVAL here, and order here if you want to make my day. UNFOLLOW ME will be published in June.

Midweek Musings: eBay agony and parenting solo again

My god I am knackered! Oli has been leaving for rehearsals this week at 8.30am and getting home at 11pm (which I am sure is against EU working hours but anyway). And Daph has suddenly turned into Mrs Clingy/Whiny, and now shrieks if I'm not in the same room as her and looking at the exact same thing as her ALL THE TIME.

NO MUMMY YOU MAY NOT PASS GO AND GO TO THE TOILET FOR TWO MINS. NO MUMMY YOU MAY NOT DRINK OUT OF THAT GLASS. I WANT THAT GLASS! NO MUMMY YOU MAY NOT CHECK YOUR EMAILS GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NOW NOW NOW. NO MUMMY HOW DARE YOU TRY TO EAT SOMETHING OFF YOUR PLATE I WANT IT EVEN THOUGH THE EXACT SAME THING IS ON MY PLATE.

She's also started pulling on my trouser legs, which is kind of cute but actually quite painful when she decides to headbutt my shins. I need ALL the gin tonight, I tell you.

I have to say too what an ABSOLUTE IDIOT I was for gloating about her sleeping through the night in my last post, as she has now decided to do the most weird random wake ups ever. Her naps have also gone to pot over the last few days - 20 minute crap naps are the order of the day and then she wakes up screaming. God knows what's going on in her little brain but I think it must be developmental as I can see her personality changing a lot too. Oh, and she is very definitely pointing - hurrah! And also giving 'cuddles' (launching herself at you and biting the nearest piece of your clothing with an impressive intensity as she buries her head in your shoulder) and 'kisses' (blowing raspberries against your cheek) if you ask her. Which is just about cute enough to stop me leaving her out for the bin men.

In other news, we decided to sell some furniture on eBay last week and my god, what an absolute pigging palaver it has been. I do NOT recommend it. Not only is eBay's UI ridiculously un-user friendly, trying to sell something is also the most complicated process ever known to mankind. I just want £300 for this furniture right? I added a Buy it Now price but missed the fact that there's a 'Best Offer' button you need to untick, and so I am receiving offers left right and centre, accompanied by passive aggressive emails from strangers telling me to 'get back to me soon yeah so we can get this thing sorted', even though they've offered £100 less than I wanted. Then there's another handful of cheery chaps who keep trying to offer me cash and do it all outside of eBay, excusing the derisory amounts they're proposing by claiming I'd pay the difference on fees if I went through eBay officially. Then there's people asking me to arrange couriers for them. I did actually manage to sell one piece for the amount I wanted but now eBay keeps deleting my messages to the buyer because I want to include my contact details (which is fair enough right, when you've already sold something!?), causing all manner of bloody confusion.

I just want someone to buy this friggin furniture for the price I have asked and come and collect it themselves. How can it be so complicated? HOW! I want to defect to Gumtree (in hindsight I should have just done Gumtree to start with) but eBay keeps telling me I can't cancel the listing because I have offers I haven't responded to or something... I mean, god. Life is too short to spend two hours a night emailing people called chelseaponies354 and cables4u976 haggling over a tenner. How do people do this for a living?!

13 month baby update

Oh how I wish I could freeze time! 13 months old is the best age yet - hands down. Daphne is so flipping cute all the time that I keep getting 'cute aggression' where I want to eat her/bite her/crush her. Google it (or click the handy link I provided, heh) - I'm not a psycho, it's an actual thing, a response to when things are so cute you have to rebalance your emotions by feeling violent. Like laughing when you're nervous or crying when you're happy - it's weird brain stuff and totally normal. Interesting eh? But I digress... Here's how Daphne's is at 13 months...

So, the biggest and best change is: she is FINALLY SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. From around 7pm (she goes down at 6.30pm) until 7am. Cue massive hurrahs, loads of gin, and me generally feeling like a normal human being again. I had forgotten what it was like, in all honesty. It's amazing what a decent night's UNBROKEN sleep can do. It is bloody wonderful. We no longer have the weird dream feed thing at 11pm, so I can go to bed early if I like and get some proper zzzzs in. Of course, I never do (go to bed early) because it's too exciting have unbroken evenings to sit around, write blogs, watch TV and read books. Bliss.

I don't really know what exactly got her to sleep through, to be honest, but I did start to leave her for a bit when she woke at 11pm for her feed, and I did gradually water it down, and reduce the amount, over about two weeks. Eventually she sort of got the message that it wasn't worth bothering to wake up for, but it did take a while and there were several false starts. I think one of the keys to all of this is giving her a massive dinner, which can be a challenge as she's generally not that hungry in the evenings (she eats like a starved dog at lunch). But we have managed to get her to eat lots of different things for dinner - finger food works best - which keeps her interested and generally means we can fill her up before she gets too whiny.

However, the sleeping through the night hasn't been completely consistent - mostly because of the hot weather. The days when we were dealing with 30 degrees outside and 28 in her room she woke up a few times in the night at random hours, which was quite stressful. Settling her when she wakes is actually really hard now because she only semi wakes up - and usually sits up in her cot - and yet she can't seem to lie back down and go back to sleep. But if I go in to 'help', she often gets freaked out and wakes up completely - I think I'm interrupting her in the 'zone' as it were, and although she can't settle herself, it makes it worse if I barge in there and pick her up. She'll start to scream and freak out, which is pretty horrible. And the only thing that will settle her in that situation is a bottle, which always scares me as I don't want to start the habit up again...

But now the weather's cooling down, fingers crossed we won't have any more sweaty wake ups. Of course, there's still teething, separation anxiety, learning to stand up in the cot etc etc to keep me on my toes so I am sure there are plenty of unbroken nights to come, but the main thing is the majority of the time now she's sleeping through and it is bloody marvellous. I've aged about five years in the last year and I swear it's all sleep related. Sigh.

Another achievement this month is that we've weaned her off formula. She now happily drinks cow's milk and doesn't even mind if it's cold from the fridge. We've got a carton of formula to finish off so she's still having that at bedtime, but I'm quite confident she won't miss it. I can't wait to get rid of the Tommee Tippee machine from the kitchen (although it has been a lifesaver and is highly bloody recommended). Next up, we have to wean her off bottles. I thought it was too risky (read: stressful for me) trying to do both bottles and formula at the same time. She has all her normal drinks from a beaker but milk is in a bottle. I know it's not great for her speech development and my mum keeps telling me that I stopped using bottles at six months so I *know* it's something we need to get on top of, but she gets so windy and burpy drinking large amounts from a cup that I'm a bit wary. Any tips appreciated!

Weaning off things seems to be the order of the day at the moment actually - we've also just managed to get her to give up her Sleepyhead in her cot. Another great hurrah. I'm going to write a blog post about my issues with the Sleepyhead so won't go into too much detail here about it, but it's been another struggle and I'm so glad we've got rid of the damn thing. I replaced it with Airwraps - her cot has bars so without the Sleepyhead she can easily get her arms or legs stuck. The Airwraps have gone down quite well - they're not at all squishy though so don't particularly protect from bumping herself against the bars. She was a little freaked out at first, not having her nice soft pillowy sides to snuggle up against but she seems happy now. Her latest bedtime habit is sitting up in the middle of the night, turning round and crawling to the other end, so that her head is at the foot of the cot. She can change positions about ten times a night without waking herself up (we have a video monitor so can spy on her) which is rather amusing.

What else what else... on the speech front, we're no further along, but I wrote about that in my last blog post. She makes loads of different sounds but nothing specific or consistent yet. She's started pointing, sort of, but she uses her middle finger not her index finger and doesn't fully extend it so not sure it counts?! But she can follow me pointing at something and she also definitely understands 'no' now, and will stop what she's doing for a second if she hears me do my 'stern voice'. Although it doesn't stop her going right back to doing it. Sigh. I read somewhere lately (probably a self-help book or something on PMA) that babies are the ultimate inspiration as when they want something, they Just. Don't. Give. Up. I guess that's how you progress through life, and something we forget to do as we age/get lazy? Ha! I'll leave you there on that unexpectedly philosophical note...