The truth about estate agent euphemisms
estate-agent-speak-lifebylotte
In need of modernisation - falling down
Cosy - none of your furniture will fit
Spacious accommodation - one of the rooms downstairs is open-plan
Flexible accommodation - the layout makes no sense
Viewing advised - unless you're the kind of person who likes to buy houses they haven't seen before
Secluded location - no one will hear you scream as you're murdered in your bed
Off-street parking (in London) - enjoy the view of your car parked in front of your living room window
Low-maintenance garden - a yard
West-facing garden - still not south facing though you suckers
Blank canvas - a building site
Architect designed - weird looking
Charming - see 'cosy'
Rarely available - impossible to value
Popular location - good luck finding a parking space on the street
Within catchment area of Very Good School - £21,000 more expensive than houses round the corner
Well located - wave at the people on the bus as they go past your bedroom window
Potential to extend - we refuse to be held liable if you can't get the planning
Tremendous scope for improvement - knackered
Much-loved family home - knackered
No onward chain - gold dust
Ideal investment opportunity - short lease
Well presented - a magnolia nightmare
Light and airy - all the walls are white
Within metres of the station - insomniacs best not apply
Tree-lined road - beware the dog poo
Call to avoid disappointment - if we big it up maybe someone might book a viewing
Beautifully presented - done up to the nines by someone who watched too much Changing Rooms
Within easy reach of the station - too far to walk, not far enough to drive. Ergo, a frustrating distance
Fabulously honest in presentation - a shithole and we can't even be bothered to lie about it
Any obvious ones I've missed?! Do share in the comments below!
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